Rejection Letter

Dear Recipient we are glad to inform you did not make the cut for the internship at The United States Supernatural Research Branch. Your education is insufficient and you should feel bad about it. In your essay you could not tell the difference between a ghoul and a poltergeist. It’s embarrassing one who says they are a paranormal investigator can’t correctly categorize the supernatural.
Secondly your genetics show that you are only 0.001 percent neanderthal, and that simply will not stand. You have to be at least 1 percent. And no it is not discrimination. At this time we are selectively breeding our applicants to recreate the neanderthal in its entirety. Maybe when this study is over you could send your application once more. But if you send it a third time we will send you future self to hunt you down and kill you. Nobody likes a third applicator.
Thirdly I just don’t like you. You don’t seem like somebody who would be a good fit at the organization. Plus in your facebook profile picture it looks like you smell really bad. Any looking through your internet history your taste in pornogrphy is too vanilla. We like you applicants to display a healthy BDSM relationship. For whatever reason is beyond me. You also like to many meme pages, just pointing that out. It has nothing to do with your rejection. I hope to never see you soon.
- The United States Supernatural Studies Branch Automatic Rejection Letter Artificial Intelligence.